Great Expectations

I must admit I've never read the novel by Charles Dickens. In fact, I've only read his Oliver Twist. Just liked the title for my next blog as I thought it carried on nicely from my Let it Go blog. We all need expectations in life, as we need aims and purposes. However, perhaps, like me, sometimes we've been over expecting things. I'm sure a lot of people have. We kind of get an idea in our mind how life, events and people are going to be and when this veers off course, we struggle. We need to reassess our expectations of situations and people, and readjust realistically.

Not everyone is like you; they don't think or act like you. Everyone has their own way. You can't expect people to always do what you would be willing to do for them. It's a hard lesson to learn, but it's true.

On the radio, a relationship expert saying marriage between a man and woman was always going to be hard work because both sexes view expectations differently. I totally got what she was saying. Generally, the woman on a first date is expecting Mr Darcy to walk in, of course! Yet, the man? Well, I'm not commenting as I don't want to appear vulgar. But put it this way, they are not expecting Jane Austen's Lizzie Bennet. Saying that, she did have a cleavage in those dresses she wore! Sorry if I doing the male species a disservice here, I am working with and building on the ideas of a professional on the radio!

I was nodding away to the radio and thinking, yes! This makes so much sense. We aren't both working from the same page, my goodness. Are we even on the same book? The lady on the radio continued by saying something along the lines of, think of your relationship in its first stages as a book. As a woman, you are probably already in chapter 3, raring to go! And the man? Still on the blurb (I've added for effect) This is just so true ladies. Be patient, just as all the other Jane Austen heroines were and her novels were over 300 pages long! This is perhaps slightly more modern than Austen but you get the idea of how differently each partner is!

This definitely rings true for everyday life in marriage, once the honeymoon period is over. You have to keep reminding yourself of the brilliant book and concept, 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus'.

Actually, while looking on Pinterest, I found this fab quote about marriage and working on it together. I love the idea of having a Marriage box that you keep replenishing so it doesn't end up being empty.

It's not just expectations of people but of events and days out. Spontaneous events are often the best. How many times have you gone somewhere or done something spontaneously and commented how fab it was! Probably because you haven't spent weeks and months waiting for it and you are just going with the flow of your feelings at the time. These events we plan for months ahead need planning but sometimes we put too much onus on them then that we will have a grand time now we've spent so much money and do much time on the phone/internet organising them!

We are cushioned as children, generally, and protected against the outside world. As we go to Primary school we have a massive, soft comfort blanket wrapped around us with the same few staff caring for us throughout the year and everyone knows everyone. We kind of lose the familiarity as we enter Secondary. You do gain more independence at secondary and college then the big, wide world and employment. You learn who has your back and who doesn't. Sometimes though, we hold on to the protection of school and college and expect the same in the big, wide world.
I'll tell you something else I've just learned this morning. We need to stop having such high expectations of ourselves. In doing this, in setting way too high, unrealistic expectations, we just set ourselves up for the fall, then beat ourselves up when we do fail. We need to know our realistic expectations and live to them. I love this next quote.

As someone with a chronic illness, I know the frustration involved. Our minds think one thing but our bodies think another. We expect ourselves to still do what we could do before. It took me a long time to come to terms with this and now I find pacing helps. On better days I do more, knowing I will need to rest the day after. I used to feel I'd wasted that morning or day resting but now I know I have to do it To prevent a bad flare up. Give yourself permission to do this. It's ok!


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Live the Pooh way

Bookshop Love

A breath of fresh air