It's ok in the otherhood!

I gained inspiration for this blog from an advert for a programme of this name on Netflix. I have yet to watch the programme, following three women who, when their children are grown up, spend time 'finding themselves' again.

It really got me thinking about my recent mood and feelings. And those of other friends of a similar age. It came to me in a flash as I was walking past the busy, noisy playground  in the park. Yes, my recent low moods were not just hormonal. They were more than that. They were due to a feeling of redundancy. That was totally it. My mind and body were adjusting to a different stage of motherhood, the otherhood. Just like the menopause has a pre stage, so does this and it hit me that this summer I had both feet well and truly in it.
The full blown otherhood is obviously when your young have temporarily fled the nest for college, as their is always a chance they'll flit back afterwards (I did). Then there is the finality of your young becoming a homeowner themselves and less chance of them coming back like a boomerang!
I suppose it is readjusting to being wanted all the time and never having a minute to yourself to having this brand new free time that is bitter sweet. Browsing quotes on Pinterest I saw this one that is so true. You feel you are going to have ages until they fly the nest but you don't!

It's also the fact that your comfort blanket is slowly sliding away from you. And the realisation that you need these kids too. The times my friends and our kids have gone to the pictures under the guise of our kids wanting to watch the film, when we were the most excited! Actually, the pictures is one place we still go to but gone are the play area days, the farm days, the crafting sessions and workshops. Well, I'm clinging on for the last one and we enjoyed the recent pot making at Experience Barnsley museum. Admittedly, my friend and I were the ones spellbound by the archaeologist talk and display, more than our children!
It's weird as it's a bit like reversing the roles as they are gaining confidence and independence, which is fab, as your confidence is being tested and shaken. The mother ship is now the other ship, going off in another direction! I spoke to my good friend about the effect on her and actually she used this time to go to uni and start the next chapter of her life. Her and her daughter were even on the same course at college, having a rota to share the computer for assignments!

Wow! I never knew there was such a thing as postnestal depression, but I suppose there is a label for everything in this day and age. When I speak to my mum about things, she's very much of the generation who 'just got on with it!' PMT? We just carried on! Not to belittle any of the feelings but there just weren't as many labels were there?
So, postnestal depression. I totally get the last bit especially, the lack of purpose. We've spent all those years answering the call of motherhood, not having a minute to yourself in the earlier years, mentally thinking for you and your offspring, to this! Just thinking for you, and your partner, but you get my drift!

It kind of comes in stages, preparing you. When you look back, you realise you were always preparing for this stage. I remember feeling forlorn once I stopped taking the pushchair and the massive changing bag out on jaunts with us. Sounds ludicrous but that was momentous in our child growing up and needing us less. Plus, the push chair was always handy for hanging coats and bags on!
Then there was the leaving nursery to go to 'Big school', then leaving as a Year 6 to go to the even bigger school! This was so emotional. The Primary stage of school days is just magical. It's like you and your children are in a safe, little creative bubble of loveliness. Then all of a sudden you have to say goodbye to it all. That's life. You will never get those days back. Yes, we need to move on but those special days for us will stay in our hearts forever. Once your child is at Secondary, you are not as involved and your control over things lessens. This is hard for parents, but especially Virgo parents! Perhaps I'll start reading this advice now!

At the end of the day, it's what happens. Children spend their childhood learning and preparing for the real world and we are the basis of these foundations. We are there for them if they need to return, as I did for a time, then move on when ready again.

This book actually looks interesting. The old you, before kids is always there, just perhaps a different version. Embrace getting to know the old you again!

As I remember, it's strange for the siblings too when they leave home, especially the younger still at home. Another thing to get used to! I absolutely love this quote to finish on. What a lovely thought.


  1. Thats Life! Always changing. Embrace all the new experiences some only come round once in a lifetime!

  2. Loved your new blog. Think my experiences of this were different for me. This became my time to study kids grown up both doing their own things . So I became a student and went to university . My head was full of psychology and sociology and when my next essay was due in . When my two kids did their own thing I became a full time student and at the same university as my daughter. We both studied social sciences I even went on an academic study trip tto Paris and the European parliament and Strasbourg. I when we crossed the channel "I remember thinking now I feel like a student" still there when kids needed me but I was also doing my own thing.

    1. That's marvellous! You are such an inspiration!

  3. Love this. I was only thinking this the other day. My daughter is about to start school in September so I guess this is the first step in the road to letting go xx


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