Live the Pooh way

Ditch the guilt trip.

Guilt can weigh you down so much. It has me. It's such an overwhelming feeling. And one that is really hard to shift. Very like the self doubt, it can just creep up behind you, from nowhere. But it's not a short but sweet visitor; it likes to stay with you and it always outstays its welcome.
Where do these feelings of guilt come from? We don't always actually feel guilty because we have done something wrong. Sometimes, we are guilt tripped by other people and ourselves when we really have nothing to feel bad for.
How can we try to prevent them? Well, over the years, I have tried to curb these feelings. I'm still curbing them but am much better at it now! We can also be guilt tripped when we ask people pretty trivial favours that we would do for them, yet they say no easily and make us feel bad for asking.
One thing is to try not to please everyone; it is just not possible. When you have to let someone down because you genuinely can't go somewhere or do something, don't feel really bad. Or, like I used to, don't spread yourself too thinly trying to then do two things at once, when it's not practical.

It is ok to say the word 'no' to people. I'm getting there! Funny thing is, we all have friends and family who do this naturally all the time. They never seem to feel bad. So why do we? It's how you are. If you are used to saying 'yes' and trying your hardest to accommodate, you will make this a habit and people will get used to it. So that, when all of a sudden, you start saying, "We'll see" and "I'm not sure", then it's alien to you and it feels wrong. You just have to do it more and get used to it.
It's like the Chicken Licken story. The sky is not going to fall down of you start thinking things over more and don't just agree to helping everyone.

Another thing with saying no is that you need to leave it at that. It doesn't require a 1000 word essay! When I have had to say it in the past, I've followed it with a justification and a paragraph long reason! A lot of others don't. I'm trying to start being the same because  actually, this quote shows saying no should be enough.

It reminds me of the excuses people have for being late or for kids not doing their homework. I might have to start using this next excuse!

When we are constantly shying away from turning events down, always saying yes to everything and everyone, we will eventually burn out. It is lovely to say yes and help or attend things, but there needs to be a balance. This quote made me think about how I'vs been in the past.

Another word to think about is the word 'sorry'. Just ask Elton John and the boy band Blue! It is a hard word to say. Even harder than saying 'Worcester sauce' as in quote I read! Once you start saying sorry though, you have to be careful that you don't overdo it! I remember once at work, working with someone who was quite aloof and quite daunting. I ended up walking on egg shells most days, wondering what they were going to say, what they were going to ask me to do, what they would think of my ideas and work, until I just started this habit of saying sorry, which probably made things worse. In the end, you're like,
"Sorry for saying sorry! "
"I know. I apologise for always apologising."
"I regret that I am full of regret."
"Pardon me for needing to be constantly pardonned."
You get my drift! You do get stuck in a sorry rut. Ooh. That's a concept. A sorry rut! It's true and it's very hard to get out of it. But you really need to. It does nothing for your self esteem.

Be gentle to you. Guilt is a way of continually attacking yourself. Would you make others feel that way? No! It's awful when certain people say things that they know will press a guilt button or bring out an emotive reaction in you. Especially when it is infront of other people. People should not put you on the spot and make you feel bad, but some do unfortunately. To make themselves look and feel better. As they unburden themselves and feel better, you feel worse.
We can put ourselves under so much pressure in this modern age. We feel guilt that we haven't reached the bottom of our very unrealistic to do list. This does come from others, but also from ourselves. We need these lists as reminders. I especially need these lists, as a champion procrastinator! Trouble is, I lose my lists or write the wrong date on the calendar!
We need to stop this negative pressure and comparing ourselves to others. We are all different and all have different time frames of doing things.
I have felt much guilt since leaving my career as a teacher. I am only just coming to terms with this sudden change in my life. I put so much emphasis on what I was, instead of who I was. I let my career and profession totally define me. Then when it was gone, I was bereft lost and felt a failure. Failure and guilt go hand in hand and it has taken a long time for me to redefine myself.
I am still me. The me I was when I taught. The me I was when I got my degree. I'm still the loyal friend who leaves things till the last minute and wears odd socks! There is so much more to you than just your work and career. We need to be gentler with ourselves. If we aren't, we are kind of giving others the idea to put you down too.

If we need to slow down and rest, then we need to do so without feeling bad about it. We may need to do this to make ourselves better. We also need to stop pressuring ourselves about being better again. If we try and rush the process and put added stress on ourselves, it will just take longer. For me, with a chronic illness, I'm finally getting my head around the fact that there is no cure, you don't 'get better'. You learn to live with it, to pace yourself and to notice when you need to rest. I've only just gotvmy head around the resting part. I used to think I was giving in and used to feel guilty. Now, I see, if I've been busy on the Saturday, I need to rest on the Sunday. I am not being lazy, it's what I need to do.

Instead of seeing what we can't do as well anymore, due to illness, we need to pat ourselves on the back for keeping going and not giving up.

When I looked up quotes on pinterest, this one came up. I've not looked at it like this before. We all have times where we feel we are trying to please everyone and you feel like pizza where everyone wants a piece of you. Especially at work, where the work keeps piling up. I worked for someone once and my classroom was next to the office. This meant I kept having said person pop their head around the door and frequently asking, "Could you just?" Of course, I could always just. I never said no. This carried on for ages until I was filled with pregnancy hormones and burst out crying in the staff meeting on my last day before maternity leave. We do keep taking extra things on. Especially in a caring profession. If we don't do these extras, then who will? I love this idea of setting boundaries but having an open door.

I love this quote too. How heavy are the feelings of guilt, recrimination and regret? We need to get rid of these, just as much as any body weight.

Guilt does affect us. Especially when we let it eat away at us on a daily basis. It hurts too.

As we grow up, our responsibilites and sense of duty become stronger. With these, comes the feeling of guilt. In spades. We cannot possibly be everything to everyone all the time but we keep trying to anyway.
Parental/Child guilt is a massive thing. We sometimes feel bad when we can't do as much for our ageing parents, aunties and uncles. We also guilty when we have children and finally have a date night. Many times, we'd change our plans at the pictures to watch a PG Disney film!

When we are feeling a bit down or stressed, there are ways we try to make ourselves feel better but then in the viscious circle of life, this feeds the guilt. The first is retail therapy. Oh yes! I've been there. The book, 'Confessions of a shopaholic' could have been written about me! You feel fab buying whatever. Not necessarily expensive things either. Then you feel guilty for spending and adding more clutter to your house. This quote made me laugh, even though I don't do online shopping.

Another way is comfort eating. It's lovely at the time but afterwards, you just feel worse. And then, guess what? You need to comfort eat again! More guilt building up.

Love this next advice. Instead of retail therapy or emotional eating, do something else that won't create more guilt. Love it!

Guilt really is not good for your health. This quote from pinterest is interesting!