Victoria, Queen of comedy!

OMG! It has finally happened! I am now at an age where the Ballad of Freda and Barry has become more than just a hilariously funny song by the clever Victoria Wood. It's not just an anecdotal song sung by a fab comedian at a piano. It has become, in the rewritten words of Star Trek, 'life as we know it, Jim!'
I'm sure at a certain age, this part of life comes to us all. There still may be swinging from the chandelier moments as you are dusting and you trip up; your room of pain brings in a whole new meaning when you develop arthritis and sciatica; Nine and a half weeks with Mickey Rooney becomes Nine and a half minutes; the only basic instinct you feel is to put on warm, comfy underwear; Flashdance is a little jig when you clean your bathroom and Romancing of the Stone is what it says on the tin! I love my tea and instead of 'Fifty shades of grey', I'm more interested in Fifty shades of Earl Grey!
Back to the ballad. I absolutely loved watching Victoria Wood and friends. She was such a talented lady. Mum and I would laugh till our sides hurt. There were so many characters she played, along with Julie Walters and Celia Emrie. Their sketch Acorn Antiques was so funny. I just love Julie Walters too; such a funny, talented lady!

The best of Victoria Wood though was when she was on stage with her mic or sat at her piano. I only really appreciated the ballad years later. And now? Well, it's still funny but perhaps a little close to home!
I absolutely love all of the song. From the start where Freda turns off Gardener's Question Time to show she is feeling frisky. Now  it would be Loose Women! Then the warming up with Freda's amorous come ons. Alongside this is Barry's apathy to the whole thing.
As I re encounter this song, I can't look at a hostess trolley from the 1970s im the same way now. I remember visiting houses when I was growing up with these in. They were full of crystal decanters, glasses and blottles of whiskey and sherry. At Christmas, there'd be the massive tins of Quality Street and Roses to pick through too. I think now of the glass decanters spilling over and the sweets flying in the air as Freda and Barry get amorous to the tune of the Archers on the radio, I imagine!

Barry is not having any of it and would rather read a catalogue on vinyl flooring as he pulled a muscle when he did the grouting! It's not just the words used that create the humour, but the way Victoria Wood uses her tone of voice, that knowing look she gives and the faces she pulls. She sings it so seriously. I love it!
I mean Barry is trying every excuse in the book. Even the pipes need lagging! Poor Freda. I can't abide avocado anyway, but it's really put me off it being smeared on the nether regions!
I absolutely love the climatic ending to the ballad. A Woman's Weekly or People's Friend would do! Now, it would be a copy of House Beautiful or Grazia!

I have even been inspired to write my own ballad in the style of Victoria Wood.

That time's come around again!
But Molly has a migraine.
And after too much whiskey.
Bob's feeling rather frisky,
Ready to put his body under strain.

Stop trying. 
Stop trying tonight!

Molly's hungry, with a headache.
She'd rather order from Shake and Bake.
But Bob's ardent, she wished he hadn't
Used strong aftershave, for goodness sake! 

So Bob strokes her, it just provokes her.
He's getting nowhere this eve.
He's done trying, he starts sighing.
He needs something else up his sleeve.

Stop trying. Stop sighing.
Stop trying tonight!

That's enough foreplay.
Don't take all day.
I've got a pile of ironing
And a date with the Febreze spray!

Stop trying. Just leave it.
My libido has gone missing 
And I must grieve it.
Stop trying. Stop trying tonight!

She puts on some Tom Cruise
So Bob can have a long snooze.
In minutes she hears a loud snore.
Seems Bob isn't so ardent anymore.

She settles down to Netflix.
No chill here. Just some beer.
And a catch up on the soaps.
Stop trying. It's not the night for gropes!
Stop trying. Stop trying tonight!

The words don't quite fit the other tune. It's a work in progress!

Victoria Wood played many funny characters.
When I looked up Victoria Wood on pinterest, there were a few funny quotes. I love this one. It really made me laugh.

Victoria Wood was so spot on, like Peter Kay. She detailed the normal things in life and made them funny.

This next quote made me laugh. This is no offence to anyone as I have been to a few Methodist barn dances over the years and proper enjoyed myself!

This too! This was me at school for a time. I absolutely loved my stationery. Those scented rubbers were amazing! And the pen with different colours on the top that you could click down was brilliant!

Amongst all the laughter, there was a serious sude to this amazing lady. I love this next quote. We do take crap from people when we are younger. That's definitely something we learn to stand up to more as we get older.


  1. Very funny! You too! She was a talented lady.

  2. 😂 loves Victoria Wood she was so funny and so talented. Enjoyed many an hour watching her shows 🥰

    1. We did too. Such a shame she is still not with us.

  3. Brilliant read and loved your own song version very funny. Xx


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