Live the Pooh way

A letter to my younger self

I have just read the brilliant post from Mummy needs a Merlot on facebook and it inspired me to write my own! Hers was actually to her 26 year old self!
My younger self. My goodness. I would like to go back and give her a hug actually. I'm not quite sure what she would like to do to the 45 year old me though!
My main advice would be to worry less. Easily my main point to make! How much time have I wasted worrying, analysing and evaluating life? Conversations, events, situations, things overheard or said to my face. Things I've done! What a waste of chuffing time!

I totally get that this is me and I want to sing that line out loud now, like in the fab musical! I am a Virgo and a worry wart. I am soft hearted and put myself in other people's shoes a lot. Even though I have size 6 and a half, wide feet! My lovely cousin and I, are two peas in a pod, or mushy peas because we are too soft. But I always say it is in our DNA and I'd rather be too soft than the opposite. This is why I like the next quote.

So what else would I tell my younger self? I would probably tell her not to be as open, trusting and heart on her sleeve with everybody. I would probably still have been all this anyway! When I look back, I have given my time and energy, a lot of it, to people who gave taken and taken. Then when I've needed it, it wasn't reciprocated as much. I know I have not been appreciated enough by certain people, especially in my work. I know now, once I am not valued or appreciated, I'm off!

It is only lately I have begun to think this way. For way too long I stayed in close friendships and employment, putting up with stuff I should not have, making excuse after excuse for a few people, not wanting to rock the boat or cause conflict. Ok? So, leaving my beloved career in an ambulance was worth all that? To the younger me as a teacher. You are a brillant teacher. Your ideas and techniques are good enough and don't let anyone put you down! If you let people criticise you and pull you down so they look better, they will just continue to do so.

When I look back on my life, I always knew who I was and what I wanted to be. I was always proud of myself for my hard work and determination. I liked who I was and didn't really question anything until I started teaching. My first year in secondary resulted in me leaving that key stage feeling like a failure and drinking far too much wine. I went into primary and gradually built my self esteem and worth back up. I believed in me again.
There followed many happy teaching years where I felt good about myself and what I'd achieved. Unfortunately, this did not last. Yhe old school style teacher's face didn't fit anymore. I was still me but I started to believe I was not good enough. I no longer fitted the mpuld, you see. I spent too long trying to fit this new me they wanted when I should have stayed true to myself.

One of the most important things I have learned is that you can't please everyone. And in trying to do so, you just make it worse for yourself. You try to please everyone becauseit us nice when people like you and you'd rather support each other, than argue. Practically, pleasing everyone is just not possible and you will damage your health, mentally and physically in the process. Also, you end up running around for folk who don't always speak nicely of you or just even criticise you to your face. In the mean time, you are neglecting those who are always there for you, unconditionally. The people whose loyalty you don't have to question. I am now back to focussing my time and energy on those who love me for being me.

This next quote rings very true for me. I do regret spending too much time fretting over what others at work were thinking of me, trying to become something I wasn't to fit in and denying what was actually best for me. All these and my deterioating health, I feel did not help and culminated in me leaving the career I was born for, the job I loved and, obviously the wage I liked! When I first read this quote, it hit home, like a smack in the teeth to me. The quote says it all.

One of the hardest lessons I have learned is that not everybody is your friend. When I say this, I don't mean everybody needs to be your best buddy. I mean in how they treat you. We do learn the hard way that people we have supported, listened to, never said anything bad about them, these people who you thought would do the same for you, have just dropped you like that. It hurts. Unfortunately, people can be fickle and can turn cold overnight. I am still very friendly but now, when I meet new people, I am a little more guarded at the beginning. Unless they are kindred spirits and then you just know!

One thing I never thought I'd be is a coffee lover and blogger! I like how life surprises you. U've always been a tea dtinker and always loved writing. I wasn't expecting my blog to grow so much. I am very grateful for this. I am grateful for a lot in my life. Mainly the amazing  supportive people, and dogs! We do take things for granted. Everybody does. We taje for granted our health. I never imagined I'd have a debilitating illness at 45 and would battle with yo-yo dieting. Well the suze 8 to 10 17 year old never expected that! I am grateful for everything I have done and achieved, for the chances I have been given.  When you have a grateful heart, life is so much better.

So, it appears that I am ok. I'm not a failure and I have not let myself and others around me down. I am me and that me is enough. I have spent the last decade trying to prove and justify myself, mainly in my career but with people too. Not anymore. I have nothing to prove to anyone. Anybody who questions who you are, is not worth it.
So, to the 26 year old me, the saying goes,
Know your worth, then add tax!