Empath on board!
I really don't like labels. I think sometimes, when you label something, it gives it power, makes it more real. However, on occasions, this can be a good thing, especially when mystery, chronic illnesses suddenly are diagnosed and you gain such a feeling of relief. You aren't making it up; you really are ill. I don't like clothes labels either, reminding me I'm not a svelte size 10 anymore, or should I say, the perfect 10? I remember seeing a quote in a River Island advert stating that labels were for washing instructions, not for people.
New labels are being made all the time. The one this blog is about is the empath. I can now state that I am, actually an empath. There are even different types and I am definitely an enotional empath. And all these years I thought I was just a big softy and a walk over. I feel so much better saying,
"Well, that's ok cos I'm an empath you see!"
How do you know if you are an empath? I saw this on pinterest and tick every box. At the end of the day, being an empath is having empathy, putting yourself in the shoes of other people and imagining how they are feeling. That's why it can be so overwhelming because you are taking all this on board, with all your stuff too. It is rewarding though and, for anyone who has watched an episode of Eastenders, it does kind of take your mind off your own problems when you are concentrating on theirs!
The two I identify with most are:
Your mood changes with your surroundings. I will add with your company too. This does not mean you are fake. We all have many parts of us we bring out depending on situation and whether we feel more comfortable with certain people. It is good to be flexible too and good that you can read a person or a situation. You may have to change accordingly to make that other person feel more at ease or to help them feel included. I can be very quiet, yes really, when needs be or, the life and soul of the party! I am not good with awkward silences so I'm the small talking filler im on social occasions!
Empaths do take on the mood of others around them. I'm like a mood ring; I can enter a room really happy but five minutes in can be sad and down if that's the current mood of whoever is in there. Like going from a lovely yellow to a dark brown in 0 to 60 seconds. I do try to make the atmosphere warmer and bring it back to an orange, normally with a joke or a past story of one of my many social faux pas:
"Remember that time I leaned over the buffet and smeared jam and cream all over my chest?"
I promise you, it's an ice breaker! Or:
"I will never forget being flashed at in Edale. That's the last time I get up close to a map to show someone where we are who is lost! See, you can be too helpful!
Seriously though, you have to try to protect your mood and your energy. Some folk can be very negative and need to bring you down with them. Some get a kick out of pissing you off too! Others, on spotting you are soft and caring, will, extract the urine and take advantage. This has happened to me and people I know. We only keep giving so mich though. Most times, the giving is of time. I have learned now who to be generous with my time! I heard a fab phrase for negative people and remember someone saying, "Beware the energy vampires". It made me laugh but actually, it is so true!
We do take on others worries and problems. I feel very lucky that this is recriprocated with my close family and friends. You can feel yourself going through what they are struggling with. Obviously, you aren't! But you can feel it. If I know someone has something hard to face that day, at a certain time, I'm there in my mind, supporting them at the exact time. We learn to know who our people are, those who support us and think of us when we are not with them. It always makes me smile when a friend texts me how I am or remembers something happening that day and messages how I have got on. I have a lovely group and family and friends I lool forward to seeing and know I will come away feeling better after seeing them because together, we lift each other and spur each other on.
The second one is Nature soothes you. This is a recent thing for me, since leaving teaching. I spent a week in hospital, cocooned away from the world. It was just what my mind, body and soul needed. I would not let the nurses open the curtains or leave the door open. No telly or radio. Nothing. When I came out I went for a walk in a local park and I could not believe how alive my senses were. Wow! I was like, look at that sky, the beautiful flowers, the swaying trees! All my senses were reopened. It was amazing! I'd been too busy to notice before. We'd been on weekend walks but my mind was on something that happened at work and on the bags at home full of books and planning waiting to be opened.
People were talking about being mindful, not mindfull and I suddenly got it. Before, I was squeezing a walk in, thinking ahead to what I had to do next, fitting in family time between everything else. I wasn't ever fully present, just there appreciating it. Part of my frazzled brain was always ahead of me, and another was behind, remembering something that someone gad said in the staff room that I then haf ti analyse over. I now had time to 'stop and smell the roses'. When I go on my dog walks, I am now living in the moment. Nature is soothing to the busy soul.
Another healer for empaths is animals. It turns out they can rescue you too. The amazing, unconditional love of any animal is priceless. The fact that this furry thing, full of love relies so much on you too. But mainly, no matter what kind of a day you have had, they will be tyere, cutely nestled in their straw bedding or sat waiting for you, expectant smile on their face and tail wagging, wondering what adventure it is going to have next with its human!
They do love you with all their heart, muddy paws and whiskers! For me, it's my dog. We never expected to feel this much! To connect so much with something non human is fab! And they are family. Even our gorgeous hamster was.
Something we do as Empaths is wear our hearts on our sleeves. I can't help it! I've done it for so long now! I struggle hiding emotions as they just bubble up to the top and, if repressed for too long, erupt like a volcano at the wrong time! We are very open and feel if we can help someone in a certain situation by sharing a time we did something silly, or something we regretted, or when something sad happened to us too, then we will. Sometimes people just need to hear that other folk have made mistakes, that it's not just them. Also, you can show how you got over it, how you turned yourself around. You don't need to tell them your life story, just the relevant part!
I think I have always been an empath, I just never called it that! Right back to the Browbies when our motto was, Lend a Hand. I love this quote. It's such an awful thing to do to somebofy, pointing the finger, stirring and just trying to drag them into another one of your endless dramas. I have known people just like this but try to steer clear now. I have had enough drama already thankyou!
I love this next quote too about being in tune with others and offering help. This has happened to me at work, so many times from lovely, caring colleagues who got how hard it was to juggle everything. In fact, it is a two way thing and many of us just helped each other, as a team. The key is not letting orhers know that person has been struggled and needed help, like it's a weakness. The best places to wotk are those where you can openly say,
'I need a bit of support. I'm struggling on this part.' It should not be seen as a weakness. When people help you, it makes everyone feel better. The reason for helping should not be to make yourself look good or look better because you didn't need any help. You were coping and they weren't. I really do not like that. We all go through phases of not coping; we are not blooming robots! We all take it turn to struggle, therefore we should just help each other, not do a back handed help by going to the next pwrson and moaning about having to hekp them.
I love being an empath, it's me! I think some of it is in your genes when I look at my own family. The downside though, is that you do take too much on; you take too many people's problems on. You can't help it! It is amazing being able to help people but you still have to give time and effort to yourself. We empaths plough so much time, energy, attention, emotions into our relationships and mostly it is recriprocated. A few times though, you have to question whether you are getting enough back. Also, you need to sometimes step away from it all. I find I probably cope myself by retreating into my own little world of books, tea, coffee and Anne of Green Gables. We all have our own little world. And if you haven't, you need to get one! To say I love people watching, this is from afar, sat on a bench in the town centre. I don't actually like getting caught up in people's dramas. Hence, my own little world. Let them get on with it!
Another thing that protects you from feeling too much is having a little bubble of positivity that acts as a buffer zone to all the negative out there. I like my bubble. Books are a great way of escaping reality too. Watch out for those who want to burst it though!
I love this next quote. I love my soul family. It's great when you are on the same frequency as folk. It makes get togethers easy and comfortable. You have the same energy and can feed off each other's positivity.
This next quote rings true on so many levels. Feeling people go for what's on the inside, like with a Kinder egg. They are not easily impressed with show. Nor are they won over by lieing and secret keeping. Probably because they struggle to do both themselves. I really cannot hold my water. Do not tell me a secret!
This next point is a really good one to make and one it has taken me forever to learn. It's true! Stay with those fertilising friends and family who help make your flowers bloom!
Over the years, I have tried to change my softness! I have managed to harden up a little, so as not to be taken advantage of as much. This not only has been out of character for me in standing up to certain people but it has also lost me friends and family. I have realised though that if people can treat you like you do not matter, listen to those vibes. If people can lie to you quite easily, can switch off from you, then you don't have to keep subscribing to this kind of behaviour. I have, as I'm sure others have, made excuses for people at work who have constantly undermined me and criticised me. They know who to do this to! The people who don't like conflict, who don't want a fuss making so go along, pretending everything is gine when really, your career is falling down before your very eyes and you are clinging on fir dear life, smilingly reassuring everyone,
"It's fine, I'm ok!" I now know I will never, evet let anyone make me feel that low again, ever! This quote speaks volumes about past events. We live and learn. When I think back to another down side of empaths, I try to remind myself to not leave out those closest, those nearest and dearest that are always there for you, a constant in your background. They see you running about, helping others but don't moan when you neglect them in the process. I am guilty of this, being there for folk, putting them before my family. It is very easy as an empath to take those people who never moan or complain about not having enough time or attention from you, for granted. Sometimes whilst concentrating folk who turn out not so constant.
I must leave you with two quotes. This first one always makes me laugh. As empaths, we try to see the good and there is always good in people. Sometimes it blinds us though to the not so good bits. We need to stop making excuses for them, putting them on these special pedestals because of who they are and something good they did back in 2005! I did this once with a girl I was in hospital with. She was blooming brilliant with me and we became friends. My best friend did not take to her and warned me she was fickle. Well, the times I inwardly agreed but outwardly replied,
" Oh, she was so kind to me that one week in hospital two years ago!"
My best friend would roll her eyes at me and tut. It took another few years to see just how fickle and selfish she was. One week in hospital does not make a friendship make!
As we stop seeing eye to eye with people and realising we have grown out of each other, or are just not being appreciated anymore, it is about setting boundaries. Would they put up with that behaviour? Would they keep waiting to see if things change back to how they were?I think you know the answers.
I really don't like labels. I think sometimes, when you label something, it gives it power, makes it more real. However, on occasions, this can be a good thing, especially when mystery, chronic illnesses suddenly are diagnosed and you gain such a feeling of relief. You aren't making it up; you really are ill. I don't like clothes labels either, reminding me I'm not a svelte size 10 anymore, or should I say, the perfect 10? I remember seeing a quote in a River Island advert stating that labels were for washing instructions, not for people.
New labels are being made all the time. The one this blog is about is the empath. I can now state that I am, actually an empath. There are even different types and I am definitely an enotional empath. And all these years I thought I was just a big softy and a walk over. I feel so much better saying,
"Well, that's ok cos I'm an empath you see!"
How do you know if you are an empath? I saw this on pinterest and tick every box. At the end of the day, being an empath is having empathy, putting yourself in the shoes of other people and imagining how they are feeling. That's why it can be so overwhelming because you are taking all this on board, with all your stuff too. It is rewarding though and, for anyone who has watched an episode of Eastenders, it does kind of take your mind off your own problems when you are concentrating on theirs!
The two I identify with most are:
Your mood changes with your surroundings. I will add with your company too. This does not mean you are fake. We all have many parts of us we bring out depending on situation and whether we feel more comfortable with certain people. It is good to be flexible too and good that you can read a person or a situation. You may have to change accordingly to make that other person feel more at ease or to help them feel included. I can be very quiet, yes really, when needs be or, the life and soul of the party! I am not good with awkward silences so I'm the small talking filler im on social occasions!
Empaths do take on the mood of others around them. I'm like a mood ring; I can enter a room really happy but five minutes in can be sad and down if that's the current mood of whoever is in there. Like going from a lovely yellow to a dark brown in 0 to 60 seconds. I do try to make the atmosphere warmer and bring it back to an orange, normally with a joke or a past story of one of my many social faux pas:
"Remember that time I leaned over the buffet and smeared jam and cream all over my chest?"
I promise you, it's an ice breaker! Or:
"I will never forget being flashed at in Edale. That's the last time I get up close to a map to show someone where we are who is lost! See, you can be too helpful!
Seriously though, you have to try to protect your mood and your energy. Some folk can be very negative and need to bring you down with them. Some get a kick out of pissing you off too! Others, on spotting you are soft and caring, will, extract the urine and take advantage. This has happened to me and people I know. We only keep giving so mich though. Most times, the giving is of time. I have learned now who to be generous with my time! I heard a fab phrase for negative people and remember someone saying, "Beware the energy vampires". It made me laugh but actually, it is so true!
We do take on others worries and problems. I feel very lucky that this is recriprocated with my close family and friends. You can feel yourself going through what they are struggling with. Obviously, you aren't! But you can feel it. If I know someone has something hard to face that day, at a certain time, I'm there in my mind, supporting them at the exact time. We learn to know who our people are, those who support us and think of us when we are not with them. It always makes me smile when a friend texts me how I am or remembers something happening that day and messages how I have got on. I have a lovely group and family and friends I lool forward to seeing and know I will come away feeling better after seeing them because together, we lift each other and spur each other on.
The second one is Nature soothes you. This is a recent thing for me, since leaving teaching. I spent a week in hospital, cocooned away from the world. It was just what my mind, body and soul needed. I would not let the nurses open the curtains or leave the door open. No telly or radio. Nothing. When I came out I went for a walk in a local park and I could not believe how alive my senses were. Wow! I was like, look at that sky, the beautiful flowers, the swaying trees! All my senses were reopened. It was amazing! I'd been too busy to notice before. We'd been on weekend walks but my mind was on something that happened at work and on the bags at home full of books and planning waiting to be opened.
People were talking about being mindful, not mindfull and I suddenly got it. Before, I was squeezing a walk in, thinking ahead to what I had to do next, fitting in family time between everything else. I wasn't ever fully present, just there appreciating it. Part of my frazzled brain was always ahead of me, and another was behind, remembering something that someone gad said in the staff room that I then haf ti analyse over. I now had time to 'stop and smell the roses'. When I go on my dog walks, I am now living in the moment. Nature is soothing to the busy soul.
Another healer for empaths is animals. It turns out they can rescue you too. The amazing, unconditional love of any animal is priceless. The fact that this furry thing, full of love relies so much on you too. But mainly, no matter what kind of a day you have had, they will be tyere, cutely nestled in their straw bedding or sat waiting for you, expectant smile on their face and tail wagging, wondering what adventure it is going to have next with its human!
They do love you with all their heart, muddy paws and whiskers! For me, it's my dog. We never expected to feel this much! To connect so much with something non human is fab! And they are family. Even our gorgeous hamster was.
Something we do as Empaths is wear our hearts on our sleeves. I can't help it! I've done it for so long now! I struggle hiding emotions as they just bubble up to the top and, if repressed for too long, erupt like a volcano at the wrong time! We are very open and feel if we can help someone in a certain situation by sharing a time we did something silly, or something we regretted, or when something sad happened to us too, then we will. Sometimes people just need to hear that other folk have made mistakes, that it's not just them. Also, you can show how you got over it, how you turned yourself around. You don't need to tell them your life story, just the relevant part!
I think I have always been an empath, I just never called it that! Right back to the Browbies when our motto was, Lend a Hand. I love this quote. It's such an awful thing to do to somebofy, pointing the finger, stirring and just trying to drag them into another one of your endless dramas. I have known people just like this but try to steer clear now. I have had enough drama already thankyou!
I love this next quote too about being in tune with others and offering help. This has happened to me at work, so many times from lovely, caring colleagues who got how hard it was to juggle everything. In fact, it is a two way thing and many of us just helped each other, as a team. The key is not letting orhers know that person has been struggled and needed help, like it's a weakness. The best places to wotk are those where you can openly say,
'I need a bit of support. I'm struggling on this part.' It should not be seen as a weakness. When people help you, it makes everyone feel better. The reason for helping should not be to make yourself look good or look better because you didn't need any help. You were coping and they weren't. I really do not like that. We all go through phases of not coping; we are not blooming robots! We all take it turn to struggle, therefore we should just help each other, not do a back handed help by going to the next pwrson and moaning about having to hekp them.
I love being an empath, it's me! I think some of it is in your genes when I look at my own family. The downside though, is that you do take too much on; you take too many people's problems on. You can't help it! It is amazing being able to help people but you still have to give time and effort to yourself. We empaths plough so much time, energy, attention, emotions into our relationships and mostly it is recriprocated. A few times though, you have to question whether you are getting enough back. Also, you need to sometimes step away from it all. I find I probably cope myself by retreating into my own little world of books, tea, coffee and Anne of Green Gables. We all have our own little world. And if you haven't, you need to get one! To say I love people watching, this is from afar, sat on a bench in the town centre. I don't actually like getting caught up in people's dramas. Hence, my own little world. Let them get on with it!
Another thing that protects you from feeling too much is having a little bubble of positivity that acts as a buffer zone to all the negative out there. I like my bubble. Books are a great way of escaping reality too. Watch out for those who want to burst it though!
I love this next quote. I love my soul family. It's great when you are on the same frequency as folk. It makes get togethers easy and comfortable. You have the same energy and can feed off each other's positivity.
This next quote rings true on so many levels. Feeling people go for what's on the inside, like with a Kinder egg. They are not easily impressed with show. Nor are they won over by lieing and secret keeping. Probably because they struggle to do both themselves. I really cannot hold my water. Do not tell me a secret!
This next point is a really good one to make and one it has taken me forever to learn. It's true! Stay with those fertilising friends and family who help make your flowers bloom!
Over the years, I have tried to change my softness! I have managed to harden up a little, so as not to be taken advantage of as much. This not only has been out of character for me in standing up to certain people but it has also lost me friends and family. I have realised though that if people can treat you like you do not matter, listen to those vibes. If people can lie to you quite easily, can switch off from you, then you don't have to keep subscribing to this kind of behaviour. I have, as I'm sure others have, made excuses for people at work who have constantly undermined me and criticised me. They know who to do this to! The people who don't like conflict, who don't want a fuss making so go along, pretending everything is gine when really, your career is falling down before your very eyes and you are clinging on fir dear life, smilingly reassuring everyone,
"It's fine, I'm ok!" I now know I will never, evet let anyone make me feel that low again, ever! This quote speaks volumes about past events. We live and learn. When I think back to another down side of empaths, I try to remind myself to not leave out those closest, those nearest and dearest that are always there for you, a constant in your background. They see you running about, helping others but don't moan when you neglect them in the process. I am guilty of this, being there for folk, putting them before my family. It is very easy as an empath to take those people who never moan or complain about not having enough time or attention from you, for granted. Sometimes whilst concentrating folk who turn out not so constant.
I must leave you with two quotes. This first one always makes me laugh. As empaths, we try to see the good and there is always good in people. Sometimes it blinds us though to the not so good bits. We need to stop making excuses for them, putting them on these special pedestals because of who they are and something good they did back in 2005! I did this once with a girl I was in hospital with. She was blooming brilliant with me and we became friends. My best friend did not take to her and warned me she was fickle. Well, the times I inwardly agreed but outwardly replied,
" Oh, she was so kind to me that one week in hospital two years ago!"
My best friend would roll her eyes at me and tut. It took another few years to see just how fickle and selfish she was. One week in hospital does not make a friendship make!
As we stop seeing eye to eye with people and realising we have grown out of each other, or are just not being appreciated anymore, it is about setting boundaries. Would they put up with that behaviour? Would they keep waiting to see if things change back to how they were?I think you know the answers.
Yes thats definitely you! Don't change!
ReplyDeleteHee hee! I won't!
DeleteWOW what an amazing blog you have written about being an empath with so many fabulous quotes and observations about relationships, life and the importance of learning what is best for you and that is not being selfish. I am sure many people can relate to your story me included it was a joy to read. I feel blessed to have met you. I love the phrase dont let anyone burst your bubble and setting boundaries for your own wellbeing. Keep writing and sharing lovely lady xx
ReplyDeleteAwww. Thankyou so much! It has taken me a long time and I have learned all this the hard way. So glad we met. We are definitely on the same spuritual level!
Delete