My quirky life

My quirky Life

Anyone who knows me really well, knows my quirks and loves me all the more for them. Well, most of my quirks anyway! The same goes for me with them! That's how it goes.


I've only recently however, realised I am a lot more quirky than what appears on a first look. I have spent a few years trying to sort them out:
1) Hiding them or quashing them. This not only took too much time and effort but also meant I was apologising for being myself.
2) Laughing along with certain people at myself as a coping mechanism. This only gives more fuel to their fire.
3) Over compensating for my quirkiness and following a pretence of something I was not. You need to be authentic. Be you, warts and all.
4) Second guessing and over analysing other people's opinions. How much time and effort is wasted in both these unproductive things? You are not a mind reader!
5) Constantly battling to 'fit in' in places where you obviously stand out. What is actually wrong with standing out? How many times do you see the quote:
Be a flamingo in a flock of pigeons.

The up side of this, I feel, for me, is the empathy you gain for others. I try not get involved with stuff folk are saying about other people. Mainly, because I don't want people talking about something I did that was perceived as weird or a hang up.  For years, especially at wotk, I used to listen to people say stuff about someone, most times when we were sat as a group and I'd either just stay quiet, change the subject or just leave the staff room. If it was a close friend I would say I don't agree and stick up for them. I wish I had spoken up more and I learned the hard way which confidantes to open up to for a mini rant or moan. When I feel like saying sonething, I stop and think, well that might be that person's quirk, who's to judge?
Anyone feeling similar, I hope this helps. I've only recently started to realise I've been trying to fit a set mould of something I was years ago and I've been resisting this change for ages. Maybe it's as I've grown older, I've realised I'm more of a free spirit. I do think out of the box and totally agree with the quote of whether there is even a box anyway!

For years I've coloured in between the lines and now I'm enjoying straying out of the lines a little. Yes, it's great to be all neat and tidy, but this can also become a little constricting. Once in a while, be brave enough to colour a little outside the line!

I definitely feel it is an age thing, letting go.  As a teen, yes, I had the Alanis Morrisette angst, but that was both cool and expected. I didn't worry about who I was though or how I was perceived. I just got on with it, comfortable with who I was and where I was in life. Suddenly, after all those free feeling years, came these constricted years of not knowing who I was supposed to be or where the blooming eck I was going. Or whether I eas trailing behind and not far enough ahead. This was not supposed to happen in my life plan I naively made out at school, on the bankings during lunch breaks. Who says where we should be on our timeline? It's our timeline, personal to us!

I went from feeling so sure about myself to this crippling feeling that I'd slowly lost my way. Or that my life plan had veered well and truely off track whilst I was sleeping. It is a slow process, losing your self esteem as little bits are chipped off you slowly. A bit off your shoulder, then off your leg. Like the elves from The Elves and the Shoemaker turn up in the middle of the night to take a bit each night.
My creative side has definitely had a jump start, has as my imagination. The downside to this being procrastination. I know I am not the only one here! I definitely am a pro at putting things off, veering off the task and letting my creative flow take over.

When we try to go against what we were obviously meant to be, we are only hurting ourselves, and letting ourselves down. Sometimes it may be the easiest path to take at the time, to 'fit in' and be accepted but it isn't the solution long term. And do you want to fit with these people who actually don't vibe with the real you? It is actually braver to realise they aren't your kind of people and stop trying to conform.

When you find your people, you know. The ones who accept you for you. You don't have to have everything in common with them, they just understand.

I think this next quote just about sums me up! And many of us actually! Yes, nobody is perfect. A perfect life or person would be boring. It is much more interesting to make mistakes and get stuff wrong. And to be able to laugh at ourselves. But also, to learn from where we went wrong. I am trying to change that broken record of 'coulda, woulda, shoulda'. All useless thoughts if you end up beating yourself up about it then just making the same mistakes again. It is good to evaluate what would have gone better, if we act on it when faced with similar situations again.
The worst thing I did to let myself down was to stop believing in myself. Sorry Journey but I did. It didn't happen overnight but I let certain people's actions and words infiltrate my own narrative to where I not only began questionning my abilities and worth, I tried so eagerly to change, to fit their mould. Which obviously backfired on me big time! I am sure this will sound familiar to a few reading this! I was like a little puppy, eager to please, changing my opinions, actions, thoughts, techniques of working to please and fit in. But, like a three sided jigsaw piece, trying to fit into a four sided space, I was never going to slot in. Looking back now, I'm glad I didn't but I was heart broken at the time. I now know that I do not want to be anywhere where the real me belongs. I don't want to be surrounded by folk who don't appreciate me. You will always end up trying to change yourself and will never live up to their expectations.

The key words in this next quote are 'good intentions'. We can mean well but it might not work out as you planned it to. I say, if your intentions are good and you have a big heart, then some folk need to be a bit easier on you. I was in a shop today and these three women started picking faults with this poor colleague behind her back. Not only was it very unprofessional in front of customers, it left an awful taste in my mouth. Plus, this lady shared my name! When I paid at the till I felt like saying,
"Be nice to your colleague. You don't know what she's going through. She might have a good heart and probably doesn't speak behind your back."

When I think back now to my first quote, it's not just about people accepting you for what you are. It is also about accepting yourself and everything about you. Get that head held up high. Be unapologetically you. I love Dolly Parton and this quote is ace. Yes, never apologise because you are a Hufflepuff and spontaneously burst out into song in the car or a cafe; so what if you love to wear odd socks that are actually co-ordinated cleverly; it does not matter that you eat beans and coleslaw together on a plate; how lovely that you llve to write poetry whilst sat on a train; it's great that you can't walk into a shop or cafe without talking to someone like you've been old friends for years. I can carry on but you get the point. I love to compliment people and talk to everyone. I feel it is good to be openly weird. It's really not healthy to hold it in. Find your passion, your loves. Find what sets your soul on fire. Find out what bits make you you and if certain folk struggle with this, do it anyway.  And then some!

Some people in jobs and clubs/groups , in the past have found me too friendly and open. I do wear my heart on my sleeve. I used to really let that get to me and would make it my mission to get certain people to smile and say good morning. I really wouldn't be bothered now. You cannot be everyone's cup of tea. Some folk might prefer coffee. I am wasting no more time chasing people's attention. How can you be what everyone likes? How can you tick every box? One of the best lessons I have learned in the past year.

Friendship is a positive. The point of friends is to support and lift each other up, not put people down. When we meet people who are good for us, we feel replenished for seeing them. I have just met one such friend. We 'get' each other and don't have to hide anything or worry what the other is thinking. Your soul is refreshed and revived after seeing each other because opinions, interests, quirks and ways are respected and understood.
So, keep doing your own thing. Some folk will find fault whatever you do. The drama llamas will try to suck you into their goings on. Just steer clear and get on with it!