Stay true to you

Stay true to you

I love this. We don't always though. I definitely don't! Looking back, I'm pretty good at staying true to others but not always myself! I'm working on it! Whether it's from this massive urge to people please. Where did that actually get me? Or, being in denial. Either way, I haven't always stayed true to me. We easily fall into the trap of putting others first and we do need to do this. As long as we take it in turns and put ourselves first once in a while. 

I haven't always done this one either! Again, pleasing others, going along with others' ideas, just to fit in. You start off believing in yourself but it does not take much to whittle away at that all too delicate confidence. I have seen it with other people too. We all need to keep reminding each other of our worth. 

For me, it was a few things, like certain friendships, and my career. It can be anything. I went from really belonging in my career to not. Now, I see the career changed but I did not change with it. I am not alone in this! I did take things too personally too, looking back. For the last portion, I spent so long trying to please the wrong people, to fit in where I did not belong, to be something that I wasn't, that I lost sight of the real me. I lost myself in trying to keep up with others. Doing so, got me nowhere. In a career and workplace where I had fitted and belonged. Suddenly, my face stopped fitting. I learned the hard way to never try change. Stay true to the real you.

You start doubting your techniques and ways. Why? Because you're different and perhaps think a little, or a lot outside the box? I now, from being reminded of my whole twenty year career, am remembering the highs, the feel good moments, as well as the, could have done that one better moments! 

When I saw this post on a page, I totally related to it. I have spent ages kicking myself for not speaking up for myself, for not fighting for what I believed in and what mattered to me. I stayed quiet. I did not make a fuss because I did not want any conflict. Turned out, I just made it worse for myself. These are hard lessons we all learn in life. Brushing things under the carpet only makes things build up, not disappear or miraculously solve themselves. When I am faced with similar in the future, I will speak up.

It wasn't until much afterwards, that I realised this.  Some people pointed this out to me and afterwards, it did make sense in a way. 

It has taken a long time, but I have been reminded of my best bits by loving family and friends. When friendships fail, it hits hard. You start to doubt yourself as a friend. You then concentrate on the bits where you let people down. Or you let yourself be taken for granted. You do question yourself greatly when this happens. Luckily, there are always those to lift you up and remind you of what you have done for them. I also updated my CV too and was reminded of my achievements. The ones I had clearly forgot. I was like-  Gosh, that was me! I did that! 

One thing I, and some other friends have done, is put the wrong people first. I suppose we have all done it some time in our lives. That is one of the hardest lessons to learn. We do put people on pedestals and over give our time, effort and love. I just think, well it wasn't a waste as it was meant at the time. The best way of looking it. Don't regret your time with people, enjoy the memories and move on.

I have also done this too. In one of my jobs, I was a breath of fresh air, then suddenly that breath of fresh air became too much. I started analysing myself and watching what I was doing and saying, how I was presenting myself. Was I to loud? Should I have said that in the staff room? You cannot sustain this. You are either yourself or nothing. I see that now. When you try to be something you are not, on a daily basis, it is wearing. The same with friendships. Turns out I was too much for some people. I now see that people change and it's not set in stone you will be friends forever. 

I know it is hard and a massive decision to make but I feel it is important to go where you are appreciated. Same goes for your friendships.

For so long now I have listened to, dissected, laid asleep at night and fretted over people's words to me and their opinions. Often fickle opinions! I have made it matter to me what everyone, and I mean everyone, thinks! I now look back and can see how destroying this was to my mind, and my career. In the last few years of my career, I spent too much time considering what people thought, instead of getting on with it and doing it. I did let people dilute my worth. I let them chip away at it until I felt worthless. I now see, you don't need everyone to like you, to think you are good at your job, to agree with your techniques or to want to even smile back ar you and say 'Good morning!' The time I spent making this one person do just that was ridiculous! Even though she did say it, and smiled eventually!

It is about prioritizing who needs to approve of you in this life. Knowing the pocket of people who truly have your back. Remembering you are not here to be liked by all and that your worth does not go down if someone disagrees with your ideas or opinions. It is so not worth trying to get the likes, when they are fake. Keep your authenticity and the people who matter will like you and respect you. 

Everyone has their own uniqueness. Hold onto that. Give it a great, big hug and be proud of it. I remember being embarrassed when someone made fun of a choice of song I had put on. I laughed along. No more laughing along for me. I will play the song louder next time! I have learned to sit better with my faults. We all have them. I call my oddities my quirks now. I used to whisper them sometimes until an amazing friend told me never to whisper about myself again. Be proud of overcoming your oddities. Yes indeed! 

When people judge you before getting to know you, either from misjudging and not bothering to find out more. Or from being jealous or intimidated, remember, that is their judgement call, not yours. Perhaps they don't deserve to know the real you? Food for thought!

I also pretended I was ok before I left my career, when clearly I wasn't! I was stressed and my health was suffering. We do keep trouping on but we are only human! We do want to keep doing what we love, or once loved. 

It has taken me two and a half years to ge able to write this blog. I have written about my experience of my career ending and my ill health of being diagnosed with a chronic illness before but this blog feels different. I can write about what was very upsetting without now getting upset. I have wanted to move on for so long and now I truly feel I have. It feels like I have finally closed that chapter. 

I can now look on some of my past experiences as life lessons. My goodness, I have learned a lot! I realise the importance of peace of mind out weighs folk who do not matter liking you. 

I also realise that my own opinion of myself matters so much too. I never really took my own opinion very seriously but you know what? I do like myself. I may appear soft and a bit full on sometimes but that is me. I am hardening up a bit but I like that I am an empath. I get folk. Mostly! I do like this quote. Certain folk and what they think matters but the main person is you!

I do know how strong I am, even though I don't always show it. It's that inner strength that you feel but don't always portray to the world. I am proud how I have dealt with things in the past few years. Helped along by special people, of course! 

We all have that inner strength, that inner glow. We sometimes do lose our sparkle but with the love and support from others, as well as self love, we can slowly rekindle it. 

When we are kinder to ourselves, we are happier. And when we are more content with ourselves, we can be there for others. 

Love yourself and stay true to you. Don't beg anyone for their approval or friendship. Those who love you for you and want to spend time with you will. 

I saw this on a brilliant page, The Power of positivity, on Facebook. It was shared by another fab page, Spectrumy. Such a fantastic quote.